Hyrule Today: Serious Zelda Interviews
by Dark Glass01
Summary: Inspired by Zelda Interviews... but slightly less insane. Join a panel of Hyrule's personalities as they discuses the economic, geo-political, governmental, and social challenges facing the LOZ universe's various societies. .. while still be silly and entertaining about it! First topic: Hyrule's Military


**Author Notes: I've read a number of these interview stories coming by recently, and it seems to me somebody should be dicussing the "Real" issues facing Hyrule today. So, it's time for something completely different...**

**Hyrule Today: The Legend of Zelda Interviews; Slightly More Sane Edition**

**Pre-Season: In Which Much Explanation is Given**

The torches ignited on what appears to be the throne room of Hyrule Castle. The dais holding the actual seat, massive backrest of the goddesses and all, sat imposingly in the background, while in the front was arranged a long, well-polished dining table, complete with its own cushioned seating. At the head of the table sat a young man, red-tinged skin, looking forward with dark blue eyes and a somewhat ill-kept light brown mop, his smile framed by a spotty beard-sideburns combo. All of this was wrapped up in a Hyrule-appropriate red surcoat, which extended down over pants of the same color. He straightened out a pile of parchment on the surface in front of him before clearing his throat, looking at the group of people lining the length of the table.

"Alright, welcome to the first meeting of Hyrule Today, where our panel of celebrity personalities from Hyrule, Termina, and wherever else we can get our hands on debate and discuss the problems facing our world today. I'm you're host, Cana Reis,heir to the Line of Reis" he waved to the group assembled to listen to the discussion; clearly the same types of people who'd watch the Congressional/Parliamentary channel if they'd had it. Instead, they were crowded, chair-less (unless they brought their own chair), in the massive space of the room's Hearing Floor. "Now, I'm sure you're wondering what kinds of problems can really happen in a video game universe, other then the obvious." There was a collective turn of eyes towards Ganondorf, who sat third down the debater's table, dressed in his Twilight Princess outfit. He merely ground the blade of his sword into the stone floor, refusing to react. "But Hyrule is about more then just saving the Triforce and rescuing princesses. We've got a lovely list of issues lined up for today, but first, let's introduce you to the permanent members of our panel of representatives, not that they need any introduction." Cana gesture down the table, lovely-assistant style, at the 5 beings assembled there, each one waving as he passed them by

"First off, we've got the famous Boy in Green, Hero of Time and the sole reason the Hyrulian Monarchy still exists today, let's give a hand for a native to Hyrule's rural reachs, Link!" The assembled politico's cheer loudly for their hero, the Ocarina of Time version, a round of applause filling the room as Link stands up to take a bow, to the slight erk of the others. "So Link," he ask once the echos die down. "What kind of epic quest were you so gracious to take time out of appear on our panel today?"

"HIAY! HWHUT! HOWA! GRRR! YAA!" Link shouted violently as he made assorted movements with his hands, including running them across the table swinging an invisible sword, and something that looked like the shadow-puppet version of a spider. Everybody just stared at him dumbfounded, Link staring excitedly as he waited for a response.

"Um, alright." Cana nervously responded, trying to recover. "Good luck with that." My hands shifted the top parchment to the bottom of the stack, lifting up the next one to read. "Next, we have the heir to the Hyrulian crown, custodian of the Triforce of Wisdom and the spirit of Hylia, and perhaps the most powerful political presence beneath the King himself. Representing Castle Town's stake, please bow before Her Royal Highness, Princess Zelda the..." he glance down at the paper again, unsure. "Twenty-fifth, isn't it?"

Zelda looks out to the crowd like's she on a parade float, blowing chaste kisses to them and the down the table from her position at the far end, her TP form's clothing perhaps the best pressed in the room. "Please, do call me Zelda the Twenty-sixth. Zelda the Twenty-fifth was my mother's name." She gave a soft, ladylike smile as she spoke, being polite as possible. "I do hope these discussions will help improve the state of the Kingdom. Even the wisest of use need advice sometimes."

"Well, I'm glad to hear you're listening to the common folk out there." he assure as he cross his legs, moving to the next parchment. "Now, representing the Gerudo Provinces, we have their King, the product of a century's worth of raw manliness crammed into one powerhouse, let's give a warm selcome to Ganondorf." Finally, Ganondorf chose to move, giving a strong, firm nod.

"Your way with words pleases me, boy." He leaned back against his chair slightly. "Perhaps I won't be having to monologue with these fools this time." The hostility radiating from Link was so powerful it was almost visible, but Ganondorf mearly clenched his fist around the head of his sword, unconcerned.

"Well, its good that we're having these peaceful discussions," Cana try to casually lead them away from violence, rushing for yet another parchment. "Now, allow me to introduce Darunia, Patriarch of the Gorons, Sworn Brother to all Hyrule and the voice of the Death Mountain Range provinces." The massive goron, in his Ocarina form, stood behind the table, his ham fist raised honorably in the air in greeting. "So, Patriarch, how are you enjoying your trip down from the mountains?"

"You have a wonderful city." He spoke with a deep rumble, full of honesty.

"Well, just don't eat it, alright?" Cana chuckled, trying to joke with him. He didn't appear to be laughing, though. "Anyways, our final panelist swam all the way down the Zora River. Heiress to Zora's domain and future mother of the Hero of Time's children, we have Ruto, speaking on behalf of the Zoran people." Ruto was pouring a bottle of water over her head as he spoke, trying to keep herself hydrated, before she finally noticed, smiling a somewhat mischievous smile.

"Oh, I'm so glad you wanted me here." She had a bubbiliness to her voice, shaking off some of the excess water which just so happened to splater right onto Zelda's dress, drawing a few air-daggers from the princess in question. "I just hope we'll all get along." Everybody's eyes rested on her for perhaps a moment too long before the sound of Link tapping the table slightly desperatly brought us all back to reality.

"Well, I'll do my best," Cana gives her a half-salute as I placed down my papers, resting my elbows on the table as I turned the collection of people. "Now, I'm sure you'll all want to get started, but let's lay down a few ground rules first."

"Rule one," he numbered them off on his hand as he went, speaking slowly, loudly, and clearly so everybody in the room could hear. "This is a peaceful session. All weapon's need to be peace-bound before we can start." Link and Ganondorf jolted up in their seats, their swords already in hand. Reluctantly, after a stiff look from me, both sheathed them and handed them to the approaching Hylian solders, who took leather binds and put them on, before returning the Master Sword and the Sage's Sword to their owners.

"Second, you five will be the only debaters, at least for our first season. Guest panelist will come in if we need somebody relevant to the issue at hand." Cana turned to the audience, holding out hos two fingers. "That means listen, not talkie. Now, if you'd like to petition us to cover a certain issue, or you feel you're qualified to be referenced, please file a form in the suggestions box over there, and we'll go over them during potion and pie breaks."

"Third, and most importantly, no food or drink at the debate table... I know its a bit ironic, since its a dinning table, but that's what I say!" He paused for a moment, before something pops into my head. "Except Ruto, since she needs water to live. That's fine."

"Anyways," Cana stands up from his chair, raising a hand apologetically to the audience. "The first topic of discussion will begin shortly, on the state of Hyrule's military. In the meantime, here's a live infomercial from our sposers, Malomart."

And, immediately, there was a loud, extended groan.

TOO BE CONTINUED!


End file.
